I AM NOT SO … LEO

I AM NOT SO … LEO The soleo … this stranger And who (or what) will it ever be !? I understood it on a day in mid-May at 20 ^ km when between the torrid sun of a summer day and the clear blue of the sea that was confused with the serene of a clean and cloudless sky, I felt a slight fatigue gradually more and more annoying … “I do the last km” I said to myself as good stubborn as I am. And everything has collapsed. All or almost in the middle of preparing for MY SECOND PASSER. – “I will never accept it” – I kept repeating inside myself shouting all my anger and disappointment for a goal that I thought I would never reach again. I in Faenza, there in Piazza del Popolo, theater of authentic emotions, I had to get there Even limping … but I had to be there! I was thinking about all this while I was upside down on the green lawn bed of my physiotherapist who fumbled with his skilled hands and giving me different facets of pain, he assured me by looking at me with those blue and sincere eyes of one who loves you: “Mimmo, it’s nothing … Of course a 100 km didn’t take you right now, but you’ll run! ” The cot oozed tears They were mine They were the ones I had swallowed in the anger of a dismal day that I hoped would take on the appearance of an increasingly clear light after the dark moments Ten days without running An infinity for me I who used to run every day or almost, even twice a day And if it wasn’t racing it was bike Km on km From home to work and vice versa Always and only with that square and that goal in the head. It is precisely because of my stubbornness that I had jeopardized the realization of my dream A dream that I had almost broken. A dream similar to that of El Dorado, the lost city of gold, which had led many adventurers on an unsuccessful path through the rainforest and mountains of South America. Theirs was an illusory thought, revealed to be a crude reality that took on the appearance of a tragedy. I was experiencing my personal tragedy every time I woke up and moving my leg I felt pain A pain that released an indescribable anger Until I finally found myself looking out a window to admire the clear cloudless landscape and flooded with serene, which accompanied my unexpected trip to Florence The approach to this event had not been serene So much so that I was there by now And the sun that shone up there at high altitude seemed to hold out my hand It was close to me It shone for me Giving me that serenity that in a certain sense I had lost, restless as I was for fear of not being there The pain was finally gone The last tests had comforted me And now I was there on that plane, in the middle of that blue and cloudless sky that accompanied me like a mother with her baby, to the appointment I had dreamed of so much. The same blue sky that dominated via dei calzaiuoli the next day It is May 30th It’s 3pm The gunshot 2504 hearts One goal: to get to Faenza It was already a dream for me to be there among them I meet Laura’s gaze I caress her hands I hold her tight Run Laura Run I’ll always be here I knew there had been a challenge The preparation had been compromised and I had no ambition for results Of course everything was going well Fiesole had been drunk in one sip and in no time we were in Borgo San Lorenzo in all ease The glue bog was there and waiting for us And I lived it, the glue, in all its magnificence, all its splendor Letting myself be enveloped by the rustle of the lush vegetation of beech woods that surrounded me While there under the Lamone river, with its waterfalls, it emitted humid sounds of freedom And I was walking in the middle of freedom. Yes, I was free Like the full moon that up there illuminated the gushing streams of life And I lived with them At every step With every breath Slowly up to three km from the 48th where we could have changed Here I meet the great supermarathon runner Angela Gargano more determined and determined than ever that makes me hare up on top Here we are Now it goes down But there is something wrong I begin to have a rejection crisis, caressing the idea of ​​abandonment. What do I do ? Do I continue or will I stop? Do I stop or continue? But right in the middle of this inner fight, I hear a voice that echoed from below He was the soleus Yes, he is! – “but are you crazy?” – he says reproachfully. And he urges: “you accused me of not letting you run because of my whims and now that I am good, good you want to give up? Never be!” Eyes widen … But … am I crazy or what? I’m listening to an inanimate part of me that scolds me and tells me not to give up! Maybe it was my conscience that spoke to me Like a man in the mirror, I analyzed myself and looked for reasons to continue Well … so much so that really up to now I hadn’t had any physical problems Ok let’s start again I don’t think much about it and I’m already traveling Run and walk Run and walk Until suddenly there is a drop in pressure with consequent dizziness I stop at km 70 and ask the mobile rescue unit for assistance I stop for about an hour when I fall asleep When I wake up I have a hypothermic crisis that almost causes me to give up, even under the advice of the health professionals. But he, the soleus His voice His reproach I feel everything … just me in my infinite madness And as a madman in love with the race, I decide to continue Run, walk Run, walk Until the 80 km where I decide that I can no longer wait Piazza del Popolo is only 20 km away and the dawn appears with its violet brushstrokes that color our journey I start to run Just run I get over two hundred who walk only at this time of the morning, dragging their legs like ballast on the asphalt that collects our drops of sweat But above all I overcome my indecisions and my torments, convincing me more and more that this race has the flavor of the enterprise Arrival in Faenza The sun is high It is seven in the morning I look at the red inflatable Red like this dawn in late May Red like runner’s blood running through my veins, Red like the color of that bed on which I lay down for a while and which risked ending this magic Yes, the magic of the arrival with the tears that blur the view and the madness that distinguishes me You are crazy, crazy and then crazy again But this time it is a madness dictated by happiness that makes me proud not to have given up And to have listened to that voice that sounded vivid from the nothing of my soul in the silence of my solitude Solitude ? What loneliness?

Domenico Baglivo